Archive for the 'Music' Category

Dead Baby Saved! [UPDATED!] by amit

Earlier today we made a dead baby joke about Britney Spears driving her dead baby, SPF or Sean Preston Federline, around town in her convertible MINI Cooper. Tonight we have a startling photo proving Spears has finally let go of her late son. Actually she almost drops the carcass. Good thing she’s got another bun in the oven. Either way, thanks to Doug, our NYC photographer, we have an exclusive photo of Josh “Dirty Sanchez” Hartnett trying to catch a dead baby.

“White trash down!!” - Josh Hartnett

Update! - Please see the “Liner Notes” for more gruesome hilarity!

posted on 11:42 pm 05/18/2006
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More Cash On The Way by dan

Rick Rubin, producer/legend, has announced that 2 more Johnny Cash “American” recordings are in the works. Perhaps you remember American IV: The Man Comes Around, the album that fueled Cash’s reemergence into pop culture with the Nine Inch Nails cover, “Hurt.” Well, shortly thereafter June Carter Cash passed away and Johnny told Rick, “I need to have something to do every day. Otherwise, there’s no reason for me to be here.” The pair then recorded 60 songs and just a week after finishing the recordings Cash passed away. The first album, American V: A Hundred Highways, will be released on July 4th. Says Rubin, it “may be the strongest album we’ve made together. It’s not leftover scraps. It’s the real deal. And it’s incredible for his legacy.”

posted on 2:51 pm 05/18/2006
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Smells Like Psychic BS by amit

Psychics. For some reason they fail to see they’re always wrong and completely unaware to the world we call reality. Take for example the man “South Park” dubbed as “The Biggest Douche in the Universe,” John Edwards (click here to see a picture from the award show). He’s the guy who could channel the thoughts of deceased family members from his gullible audience. He’s a complete fake and today he’s living under the I-75 bridge near Lexington, KY. But don’t fret, there’s a new cuckoo in town and her name is Victoria Bullis. According to her website, FullofMerde.net, she “became interested in metaphysics [after studying] Buddhism, feng shui, acupuncture, and Eastern mysticism.” Evidently, she gained the power to read minds after learning the delicate feng shui art in arranging her bean bag chairs in the living room. The stench of bullshit begins. When Bullis isn’t scarfing down twinkies and Chicago deep-dish pizzas, she finds time to chat it up with Tupac and Stuff magazine. Here’s an excerpt from her interview speaking for the voice of the late rap star:

Stuff: What do you think about all the rumors that you are still alive?
Victoria: One thing he’s worked on from the other side is compassion. Actually, here’s a message directly from him now, “People who do that, just let go. Move on with your own life and stop worrying about somebody’s who not here anymore.”

Tupac’s at his happiest when he’s not half an overweight white woman

Coincidentally, Victoria never heeded Tupac’s post mortem advice.

According to ContactMusic and Stuff Magazine, the tons of metaphysical fun Bullis recently talked to the late grunge rocker Kurt Cobain. She claims Cobain has “resolved his issues” after living as a “tortured soul.” Bullis also believes he lived in 16th century Europe, not as a musician, but as a manager of a dungeon. A dungeon! There Cobain allegedly forced several people to their deaths by suffocation. In another startling revelation Bullis deduces Cobain’s daughter, Fraces Bean, is a long lost relative of one of those souls and the reason “he has a lot of guilt about her.”

Artist rendition of Cobain’s 16th century sun room.

Finally, if the load of crap heap wasn’t high enough, Victoria Bullis piles on some more. She feels Cobain’s spirit inhabited “the body of a provocative early 20th century female trendsetter [and] plans to return to earth - as a great classical pianist.”

A classical pianist? Here’s a tune for you. From the lyrics of the great Southern rock band, Lynrd Skynrd, “Eeeew that smell…can’t you smell that smell? [That's Victoria's bullshit]” Come to think of it, Victoria, channel the spirit of Ronnie Van Zant next. C&V would love to hear about his previous lives. But seriously, Victoria, how you can keep breathing with all the BS coming out of your mouth is mind boggling. You’ve got no connection to Tupac, let alone Kurt Cobain. Why don’t you talk to someone who’s living. Like a shrink. Plus, can’t your psychic powers see that Stuff magazine is letting you post articles so the readers can laugh hysterically AT you? I guess your feng shui-based powers are limited. I’d like to conclude this rant just as you have on your website, which, by the way, is a sad attempt to be like the Hanso Foundation.

Namaste.

Dan’s two cents on Victoria Bullis: “Bullis sounds awfully like bullshit” and “what a cow.”

posted on 12:10 am 05/15/2006
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Music Outfit Of The Week: Oysterhead by dan

Exactly 1 month until Bonnaroo. This week’s music outfit is Oysterhead, a supergroup made up of The Police’s Stewart Copeland, Phish’s Trey Anastasio, and Primus‘ Les Claypool. Let the countdown begin!

posted on 12:01 am 05/15/2006
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Songs of the Week: 15 May by candv

Dan:
Son Volt - “Drown”
Okay, it’s all Bonnaroo all the time here at C&V’s Songs of the week. I’ll get things started with an oldie but a goodie, “Drown” by Son Volt. Enjoy.

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-

Amit:
Ben Folds - “The Luckiest”
It’s hard to imagine the man behind the lyrics “Give me back my black t-shirt, you bitch” could have written such an emotional track as this, but Ben Folds has. The song is an aching piano ballad reminiscing of some girl-next-door from long ago. Somehow it’s hopeful, tearful, and joyful at the same time. And, who knows, may be “The Luckiest” was written before Ben discovered the biotch ran off with his favorite tee. We’ll have to ask him at Bonnaroo. Either way, makes this song part of your library, but not part of your “Boot Knockin’” playlist. Just wouldn’t work…

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posted on 12:01 am 05/15/2006
Music, Songs of the Week | Comments (1) | Permalink |