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Dakota Fanning: 1994-2006 by dan

Dakota Fanning, star of War of the Worlds, I am Sam, and countless others has passed away due to unknown causes. She was 12.

posted on 12:23 am 04/10/2006
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Of Popsicles and Prophecies by amit

Do you wish you could see in the future? C&V can. Could you live with yourself for making fun of young kids? C&V does, and now so do the copy cats over at The Learning Channel. There’s a new show debuting this April called “Honey We’re Killing the Kids!” The series will give concerned parents the chance to see what their children will look like 40 years in the future if they continue on their junk food regimen. Using advanced computer technology (Microsoft Paint), the prophetic pictures hope to be a wake-up call to obese kids in order to scare them straight (if they were troublesome and/or fruity) and skinny. Below is an example of what TLC’s Gateway computer printed out. Apparently Timmy’s side-of-a-milk-carton smile will age into a Zoloft-induced smirk worn by the ‘tard Jared the Subway Guy’s look alike.

Junk food = bad eye sight & killer side burns

Kelly Young, mother of three, said about the photos, “for a mom, they’re scary, let me tell you.” Nutritionist/host Dr. Lisa Hark from University of Pennsylvania’s School of Medicine will helm the series created to further lower the self-esteem of pre-pubescent kids who are called “Baby Beluga” and “The Krispy Kreme Kid” at school. Our news team contacted Dr. Hark for some exclusives, and she came through, “let me tell you.” The doc sent us some child celebrity versions slated to appear on the season finale. Let’s look into the future…

If Raven-Symone keeps chompin’ down on moon pies, she’ll become Mo’Nique.

Jerry Maguire’s Jonathan Lipnicki and his continued addiction to deep-fried bacon may render him fat, unaware, and animated.

Rupert Grint AKA Ron Weasley loves American corn dogs. At a baker’s dozen a day, he’s bound to be a “Fat Bastard”.

posted on 12:00 am 03/31/2006
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Dog Fancies by amit

Yesterday fellow blogger BarbieMartini found a hilarious picture “too funny not to post”. For some reason Jennifer Love Hewitt (Garfield, The Tuxedo, Sister Act 2) posed as the cover girl for “Hollywood Dog” holding her favorite puppy Roundworm Love Hewitt. Not to be out done, C&V scoured the world wide web and found a few other potent periodicals that are sure to split some sides.

Note: “Malibu Bitch” is not to be confused with “Beverly Hills Bitches” since the artilce refers to April’s Bitch of the Month and not female puppies. I’ll never forgive Brandy, the girl who broke my heart one rainy afternoon during 5th period Geometry.

posted on 8:00 am 03/29/2006
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No Go for Gnomeo & Juliet by amit

C&V is always abreast on the latest animated news. Earlier we posted exclusive screen shots of the Paris Hilton animated series, and now we have some startling news on the Elton John cartoon film from Reuters. It’s been nixed! The animated musical tentatively titled, Gnomeo & Juliet, was set to include songs from the fabulous singer/songwriter but execs over at Disney ended production after it was rumored to be “not fruity enough.” What could have actually caused Disney, the “happiest” place on Earth, to end Elton John’s star-crossed flick? He’s more than proven himself with 1994’s Lion King. Was it his recent marriage? Or Elton’s life-long affection for the pant-less Donald Duck (see inset pic)? Only God and Rafiki, the wise baboon, know.

“Me tinks: I have a red bum and talk, yet Disney no likes gnomes”

C&V talked to the now jobless gnomes about the recent news. Click [more] below for their response to Disney.

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posted on 4:23 pm 03/28/2006
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Mo’Nique Hungers To “Keep It Real” by amit

Mo’Nique is the new big girl to go to for poking fun at cookie-consuming, gravy gargling gals. So, the NY Daily News sat down with the star of the the new Fox comedy Phat Girlz during her third dinner for a few comments. Mo-Mo said on Star Jones, “…come on home. We miss you. We want to give you back your fat-girl card!” and added that she “liked Oprah chunkier.” Kudos to Mo’Nique for shoutin’ out to her formerly gigantic friends.

And now C&V presents images from her upcoming movie Phat Girlz. And if you’re daring, see the full trailer in 1080 pixels and pounds of HD quality.