The nosy rag PEOPLE has a startling follow-up to our epic and prophetic piece on “American Idol” loser Elliot Yamin titled “Elliott ‘Ya mean I got no job?’ Yamin.” It seems after the jobless wash-up enjoyed a few hours of drinking away his woes at a local Richmond, VA bar, he went outside, started picking up rocks (we told you he was the mole man) and proceeded to throw them at a nearby road sign. It was in the midst of his stone chucking when Yamin’s “finger got caught on a rod holding down a rock” and his pinky finger snapped back and broke. Ouch. Luckily Yamin will be able to sign autographs for his mom since the redneck-inspired injury occurred on the hand he doesn’t write an “X” with (his left). Unfortunately, Elliot Yamin must wear a cast over the finger he used to do coke and grape-flavored fun dip with back in the glory days of season 5 in Hollywood. Life’s been rough Yammy. You’ve always been alphabetically and mentally at the bottom of every list. Now you’re back in the news and still out of a job. C&V feels for you. That’s why we uncovered a road sign you should throw rocks at. God speed and get well.
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Comedian Dane Cook opened “Saturday Night Live’s” 32nd season with yet another of his sub-par monologues. Cook jumped right in with a joke similar to the “Debbie Downer” skit starring former cast member and resident ugly, Rachel Dratch. He commented that there’s “negative people” out there trying to put down his elating moments with phrases like “I have cancer of the lip” or “Oh yeah, Tommy, he’s got herpes.” Why is the supposedly edgy sketch series using Cook as a “Momma bird” and regurgitating jokes down our throats? I guess the Tina Fey-less writers wanted to give Dane a hand with his spinach fresh material. After the “Downer” joke he segued into a routine about the differences in identifying male and female liars. Moderate laugher and uncovered coughs ensued. Then he went into a bit that’s fast becoming this decade’s “What’s the deal with airports/planes/plane food?” YouTube. Dane’s attempted witticism on the popular video site had him dancing and singing the lyrics “A, colon, F6″ in an effort to imitate a kid performing said song. Crickets were quickly audible. I can’t understand why a comedy show (”SNL”) from a last placed network (“PAX” “NBC”) decided to reuse Dane Cook as a host. Tonight’s episode needed to break out of the gates bucking and snorting with pure comedic flare and end with a metaphorical rodeo clown being impaled by the horns of originality. Instead audiences got a recycled stand-up comedian and a case of chronic boredom (the only cure is heroin). At least “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” shows some level of hope, and hopefully even “30 Rock.” Actually, all three shows should merge into one comedic conglomerate. Well, maybe not. Rachel Dratch could end up as the face of the company.
What did you think of Dane Cook’s opener? Comment below.
posted on 12:07 am 10/01/2006Headlines, Reviews, TV | Comments (1) | Permalink |
“Esquire” magazine has named Scarlett Johansson the “Sexiest Woman Alive.” Her talent and alluring “hourglass figure” have rocketed her to fame, fortune, and tons of movie roles (see her long IMDB rap sheet).
But forget “Esquire.” No one reads that rag. Everyone’s clamoring to know who horse enthusiast magazine, “Equine”, crowned as their sexiest woman of the year (yes they do people too).
Click to learn…
posted on 3:40 pm 09/29/2006Click to Learn, Headlines | Comments (0) | Permalink |
In all of recorded history there has never been an animated show as witty, cutting-edge, and astute to current events and pop culture as “South Park.” Starting its tenth season next week, “South Park” has made millions laugh and think about everything from race, religion, sexuality, talking towels, sexuality of pets, and the Mormons. In addition to the six Emmy nominations and recent George Foster Peabody award, co-creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker wanted to commemorate this crowning achievement in television with a first volume of memorable episodes. “People always ask us, ‘What’s your favorite episode?’ And I say, ‘It’s so hard. It’s like choosing between your children.’ But then I would have no problem choosing between my children. It would be the tall, smart one,” say Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Join Matt and Trey as they take a stroll through the first volume of ten classic episodes that made the world stand still, then puke on the girl they like.
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The opening helicopter blades of The Killers’ still resonating virgin release, “Hot Fuss,” landed the indie band from obscurity onto mainstream soil in 2004. Unfortunately, their follow-up, “Sam’s Town,” is a crash landing at best. I know it’s never fair to compare album releases to elder siblings, but what we have here is a red-headed stepchild riding a black sheep. For starters, the single, “When We Were Young,” is a far cry from the exuberance held by such previous fist pumping singles like “Mr. Brightside” and “Somebody Told Me.” What’s worse, the quartet lead by Brandon Flowers has largely abandoned the “synth rock” sound and disco shuffle beats that helped put them on the map. For a pop band like the Killers to sell the genre it takes infectious melodies and indelible lyrics. Instead we have a cacophony of badly named tracks like “Uncle Johnny” and “Bling (Confessions of a King)” that drone on with zero musical drive. The Killers were much more alive two years ago, now it seems they’re gasping for breath. After giving “Sam’s Town” several listen-throughs it’s obvious why the Vegas-based band named their sophomoric (it’s a music review axiom to use the word “sophomoric”) release after a sub-par casino. Let’s hope The Killers’s third release is named “Mandalay Bay.”
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