Behold! The trailer for the new, the upcoming, the finally-a-movie-with-venom trailer for Spider Man 3! Sandman, Green Goblin, Venom, Symbiotes. Lord knows this movie is going to be insane.
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You’ve seen the “My Life, My Card” print and television ads of celebrities answering a clever questionnaire created by the most elite of credit card companies, American Express. Notables such as writer/director M. Night Shyamalan, golf phenom Tiger Woods, token Asian actor Ken Watanabe (Memoirs of a Geisha, The Last Samurai) and even lesbian Ellen DeGeneres have all given their two cents of cash back to let the world in on their favorite movies, fondest memories, and inspirations. For instance Shyamalan’s biggest challenge was “not letting [his] work make [him] unhappy.” I don’t know about him, but if I directed Lady in the Water, I’d be snorting Zoloft through a roll of ecstasy just to crack a smile. In addition to M. Night’s ad, Blasian Tiger Woods had some meaningful responses. Here’s his full answer list:
childhood amibition: to beat dad in a game of golf.
fondest memory: riding my bike and skateboard all the time.
soundtrack: anything 80’s and early 90’s
retreat: underwater shooting fish
wildest dream: winning the Masters
proudest moment: winning the Masters
biggest challenge: how can I become a better person tomorrow
alarm clock: 5:00 AM sharp!
perfect day: surf, ski, golf, and spearfish in the same day
first job: cart boy
indulgence: my boat
last purchase: my friends new album from Hootie and the Blowfish
favorite movie: Caddyshack
inspiration: my parents
My life: is hectic
My card: is American Express
How touching. Oddly enough the credit card that’s accepted at most “whites only” establishments failed to publish a number of celebrity surveys. Why? We believe they were too damn honest. Our C&V CFO called AmEx to 1) contest charges for suggestive DVDs from fun-with-goats.com and to 2) get a hold of the unreleased candid questionnaires. Here they are for your enjoyement. It’s a shame they didn’t use these…
childhood amibition: to be a thetan level 10
fondest memory: memories mean psychology and we all know that’s a load of crap.
soundtrack: top gun
retreat: my favorite bar Log Jammers
wildest dream: to meet Lord Xenu
proudest moment: jumping on Oprah’s couch
biggest challenge: kissing humans with two X chromosomes
alarm clock: Suri crying after escaping from her hibernation chamber
perfect day: Nicole Kidman calls me crying to say, “I’m sorry Tom. I’ll be a Scientologist. I won’t wear heels.” And then I hang up.
first job: taking care of a card-counting ‘tard
indulgence: golden DC-8’s
last purchase: Battlefield Earth: Director’s Cut DVD
favorite movie: cocktail
inspiration: the little kid from Jerry Maguire and Katie Kate what’s-her-face
My life: is awesome! Yeeeah! Wooooo!
My card: won’t buy prescription drugs.
childhood amibition: to be a gooder rapper
fondest memory: my weddings
soundtrack: whatever makes me look black
retreat: a leather sectional AKA my crib
wildest dream: to be a father figure
proudest moment: downing 2 easy cheese’s in a minute
biggest challenge: people taking my music serially
alarm clock: what’s that?
perfect day: one without my mom calling me k-fag
first job: can’t ‘member my last one
indulgence: my bling electric toof brush with spinners
last purchase: 3 t-bell crunchwrap supremes
favorite movie: crossroads 2 fast, 2 furious
inspiration: vanilla ice
My life: is a walking punchline.
My card: must still be co-signed by Brit even though we no mo’
childhood amibition: to become a big star
fondest memory: when the mc’rib first came out
soundtrack: anything off “how stella got her groove back”
retreat: ben & jerry’s
wildest dream: to visit Willy Wonka’s factory
proudest moment: leaving “the view”
biggest challenge: proving my gay husband is strait
alarm clock: my deep frier has a timer on it
perfect day: sun bathing in malibu without being confused for a beached orca or a sleeping manatee
first job: a helipad
indulgence: my walk-in fridge
last purchase: stripper exercise videos
favorite movie: my big fat greek wedding
inspiration: those hard-working keebler elves
My life: is being a lawyer.
My card: best not have a limit or someone’s gonna get slapped.
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K-Fed found out he was being divorce while shooting an episode for “Much TV” via TEXT MESSAGE. Wow. I guess after two cans tied to a string that’s the new white trash mode of communication for important news. Watch the failed rapper’s response as he’s texting away on a B-berry followed by his breakdown. K-Fed, you got pwnd!
Read how K-Fed makes a fool of himself in his “My Life, My Card” American Express ad.
posted on 3:02 am 11/08/2006Headlines, Music, News | Comments (0) | Permalink |
“The New York Post” recently compiled of list of what they believed to be the top ten on stage meltdowns in rock and roll history. What was the muse to inspire a list like this? None other than the reunion of Guns N’ Roses as they finally got over themselves and decided to work together again. The following list is ordered chronologically, not by biggest meltdown.
1. The Kinks: In the middle of a 1960’s concert, band member Dave Davies knocked over Mick Avory’s drums prompting him to slap Davies with a cymbal. Their second on stage antic involved a jealous Dave spitting on brother Ray’s girlfriend, lead singer of the Pretenders, Chrissie Hynde.
2. The Who: As the band played their ‘69 Woodstock set, radical activist Abbie Hoffman stood backstage tripping on LSD. After “See Me, Feel Me” he rushed onto the stage and grabbed the mic in order to soap box over the arrest of a White Panther for weed possession. Pete Townsend then slapped Hoffman in the head with his guitar and told the druggie to “Fuck off my fucking stage!” Hoffman still denies the event ever happened and still sees unicorns.
3. The Rolling Stones: A show at Altamont Speedway lead to the film Gimme Shelter, one of the most poignant rock documentaries in history. The Stones hired the Hell’s Angels as security and basically someone ended up stabbed to death for flashing a gun.
4. G.G. Allin: This punk rocker cared less about music and more about self-mutilation while onstage. The nut would cut himself with broken bottles and can lids and even micturate and defecate (piss and shit) all over the stage. Bulimics, if you haven’t hurled today, here’s a video.
5. Guns N’ Roses: Back in ‘92 both Metallica and GNR headlined a show in Montreal (where the hard core rockers were). Thanks to some cleverly rigged pyrotechnics singer James Hetfield caught fire thus ending the metal group’s performance. The show was left to be saved by GNR who ended up taking several hours to appear on stage. Pre-plastic surgery Axl Rose (check out his look alike) then complained his throat hurt and ended the entire gig after 4 measly songs. The crowd was less than pleased and rioted. They smashed card windows, set fires, and looted local stores, all firsts for Canadians.
6. Cat Power: Lead singer Chan Marshall is as crazy as they come. She starts and stops songs at her own will, forgets lyrics and constantly has to apologize to her audience for her rumored extra 21st chromosome. During a ‘99 Bowery Ballroom show Chan stumbled into the crowd mid-song and stuck her nose to the floor. Fans tried to console the whacky feline by rubbing and soothing her, and she eventually got up only to say “These guys (the audience) hate me.”
7. Fiona Apple: A 2000 show at the Roseland Ballroom in NY caused Fiona to flip out because she couldn’t hear herself in the monitors. Instead of motioning to the sound guy to up the volume, she broke down in tears, cursed members of the press, and yelled, “Fuck, this is a nightmare.” Evidence of her neurosis still exists (see Vegoose video).
8. Ryan Adams: Not to be confused with Bryan Adams, the no talent ass clown from Canada, Ryan Adams tossed $30 (the price of the ticket) to a heckling audience member after he yelled “Summer of ‘69″ during a Nashville show. Ryan refused to continue the gig until he left.
9. Great White: More pyrotechnical difficulties. This time it resulted in the death of guitarists Ty Longley and the guilty pleas of two members after a hundred people were killed when the venue caught fire.
10. Blondie: The evening Debbie Harry was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame she was set to play a few songs. Before starting, former and long-time guitarist, Frank Infante, rushed onstage and begged, “Debbie, aren’t we allowed?” She replied, “Can’t you see my real band is up there?” Snap!
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It was Saturday, 11:32 A.M. and sunlight bled through the almost closed curtains of our sub-par Vegas hotel room shared with six other people. Everyone was fast asleep (passed out), but I lay wide-eyed and delirious after a lengthy night of sitting around a green semicircle playing blackjack. Sitting up slowly I realized the line between business and pleasure was almost nonexistent when on assignment for C&V. But there was more to this trip than card decks of debauchery. There was music. There was Vegoose. After recovering the rest of the day I headed down to the Sam Boyd Stadium, a true oasis in the Vegas desert. Strewn across the sands rested giant circus tents, carved pumpkins and Halloween revelers trick or treating for some quality music and/or mescaline.
I arrived to the shows pretty damn late. The festival started around noon with Toubab Krewe, but I didn’t get there till mid-set of the Mars Volta around 8. I don’t know much about their music other than a few tracks I heard via iTunes, so don’t send us packages of dead animals when I tell you they sounded like banshees in heat scraping their banshee nails on chalkboards read by younger banshees. How bad were they? You know those Dyson vacuum cleaners that suck 5 times the force of gravity? Well, move over Dyson. You’ve got competition. Instead of harmonies, we got shrieking. There were no notes played here. All to be heard was the melody of an A.C. wall unit tumbling down an old rickety fire escape. Genuine noise.
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