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Dakota Fanning: 1994-2006 by dan

Dakota Fanning, star of War of the Worlds, I am Sam, and countless others has passed away due to unknown causes. She was 12.

posted on 12:23 am 04/10/2006
Headlines, Movies | Comments (2) | Permalink |

C&V Loves Midgets by dan

Midgets, little people, or santa’s helpers (as well call them) may be 3 ft tall, but they’re causing a life-sized, 6 foot tall ruckus with Mrs. Britney “Trash” Spears. The clamor arose over Spears hiring the pint-sized ankle biters to dress up like Sonny Bono and dance for K-fed’s birthday. Here’s what the midgets are saying:

“It is wicked to hurl abuse at anyone of diminished height simply because they are small.”

We here at Celluloid and Vinyl agree with the vertically-challenged misfits and are deeply enraged with Spears over her tasteless use of child-sized men. The midget continues:

“We know dwarves and midgets who are immense in stature because of their talent. Mostly they are able to rise above any insults. But inevitably, feelings are hurt by nasty comments.”

Ya think they need a step ladder to rise above those insults? BOOYA, midgets! Got ya!… But, in all seriousness, let’s take a moment to celebrate great moments in midget history. Come, let’s stroll down memory lane.

Albertus K. Fink elected Mayor of Munchkinland.

Dwarf clan whittled down to 7 after 8th member “chlamydia” is voted out

Willow gives birth to second freak baby

Hippie Midgets move into the trees

posted on 3:36 pm 04/05/2006
Headlines, Music | Comments (0) | Permalink |

Star Jones Gets Rocked by amit

Every so often history is made, but rarely is it captured and uploaded onto YouTube. Witness below as retired NFL player Jason Sehorn nails Star IN THE FACE with a football.

posted on 4:52 pm 04/03/2006
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The Week In Comments… by candv

Carly on “Lost’s door decoded”
what is a black man doing with a hot air balloon? did that license give him permission to operate said balloon? what is the minority population of wayzata, mn? these are the real questions.

McKenzie on “Caption Contest: Sean Connery Edition”
“just one calorie”

For on “Caption Contest: Sean Connery Edition”
“It’s funny i tought you said: i had a finger in my hear..?”

Lawson on “Caption Contest: Sean Connery Edition”
Oh god, where did you get that picture of Nathan?

Nate! on “Caption Contest: Sean Connery Edition”
OK. I don’t shop at Kmart. Let’s clear that up right now. Those boxers were my favorite pair. They were in the vicinity of 6 years old and recently got ripped. How? I don’t know, but it brings a tear.

Virenda on “Dog Fancies”
I’m going to do that with my exboyfriend from 6th grade. ~wink~

And now… Haley Joel Osment and Walker Texas Ranger holding hands naked in a tent.

posted on 9:18 pm 04/01/2006
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Of Popsicles and Prophecies by amit

Do you wish you could see in the future? C&V can. Could you live with yourself for making fun of young kids? C&V does, and now so do the copy cats over at The Learning Channel. There’s a new show debuting this April called “Honey We’re Killing the Kids!” The series will give concerned parents the chance to see what their children will look like 40 years in the future if they continue on their junk food regimen. Using advanced computer technology (Microsoft Paint), the prophetic pictures hope to be a wake-up call to obese kids in order to scare them straight (if they were troublesome and/or fruity) and skinny. Below is an example of what TLC’s Gateway computer printed out. Apparently Timmy’s side-of-a-milk-carton smile will age into a Zoloft-induced smirk worn by the ‘tard Jared the Subway Guy’s look alike.

Junk food = bad eye sight & killer side burns

Kelly Young, mother of three, said about the photos, “for a mom, they’re scary, let me tell you.” Nutritionist/host Dr. Lisa Hark from University of Pennsylvania’s School of Medicine will helm the series created to further lower the self-esteem of pre-pubescent kids who are called “Baby Beluga” and “The Krispy Kreme Kid” at school. Our news team contacted Dr. Hark for some exclusives, and she came through, “let me tell you.” The doc sent us some child celebrity versions slated to appear on the season finale. Let’s look into the future…