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Spears, A Poet And Didn’t “Knowed It” by amit

We just learned via smoke signals that Britney Spears published a poem titled “stream of consciousness” on her website, and after giving it a read, it’s definitely a steam of something. Spears dedicated the poem to “everyone who thinks they know me.” That’s when C&V decided, “We know this now tubby, once teen pop star pretty well, let’s interpret her white trash inspired prose.” (Our in-depth pictoral interpretation lies behind the hyperlinked words.)

No more chains
That you gave me

Enough of pain
Now I’m craving
Something sweet, so delight
How do you stand sleeping at night?

Silly patterns that we follow
You pull me in
I’m being swallowed
By the ones you think you love
They pull you down
You can’t see up above

Manipulation is the key
They screw it in
Because you are naive.

…..

The guilt you fed me
Made me weak.
The voodoo you did
I couldn’t speak.

….

You trick me once, twice, now it’s three.
Look who’s smiling now
Damn, it’s good to be me!

Spears uses the home ATM as Bobo types her poem.

posted on 8:20 pm 05/26/2006
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“LOST” Toys Announced by amit

Tonight ABC will air the season finale of the hit show “LOST” and what better way to celebrate the closure than with a toy announcement. Todd McFarlane, the man behind the comic book “Spawn” and McFarlane Toys, revealed today that soon millions of fans will be able to own a piece of the show. The toys will be in the form of a 6-inch figure with a corresponding diorama “central to the character’s story.” The first series will comprise of Jack, Kate, Locke, Hurley, Shannon, and Charlie (the first to be sold) in individual models representing scenes from the show. C&V’s holding out for the Hurley figure which supposedly and masterfully represents the pivotal moment in “LOST” when he ate ranch dressing out of a gallon jug. Or maybe the time he got a “yum-yum” from Claire. So, IT office nerds, move your Darth Vader and Superman figurines aside, here’s comes the biggie Hurley. McFarlane toys ended the toy press announcement with “to say that we are VERY excited about this is an understatement.”

Life-like Charlie figure does his nails, then heroin.

More C&V “LOST” links here.

posted on 1:37 pm 05/24/2006
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Albino Causing A Whine-o by amit

The LA Daily News claims moviegoers are beginning to bring the heat upon Ron Howard’s upcoming release, The Da Vinci Code, not because of its wild religious implications, but rather its negative portrayal of albinos. In the adaptation of Dan Brown’s highly successful book of the same name, non-albino Paul Bettany, plays Silas, an evil albino monk minion who beats himself and wears a barbed wire garter. The fact that yet another albino character comes off as the bad guy has Michael McGowan, the albino president of the National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation (NOAH), turning red with anger. Sort of. He claims The Da Vinci Code is the 68th movie since 1960 to involve an “evil albino” and added,

“Silas is just the latest in a long string. The problem is there has been no balance. There are no realistic, sympathetic or heroic characters with albinism that you can find in movies or popular culture.”

Being 0.47% albino, I decided to search through the Internet Music Database (IMdB) to see if the ultra-Caucasian president of NOAH had any merit to his statement. Here’s what I found:

The bad guy in Cold Mountain, Bosie, an albino.

The evil/incestual twins in The Matrix Reloaded.

Whitey in Me, Myself, and Irene. Not really a bad guy, just a character with unbelievably bad vision.

Gandalf the White, a hero, wore contacts to hide his albinism in The Lord of the Rings.

Owen Wilson. The man has zero pigment but is all over pop culture.

There’s your proof. President Michael McGowan of NOAH, put up the white surrender flag and let the cause go. Then go see The Da Vinci Code which opens nationwide today.

posted on 11:33 am 05/19/2006
Headlines, Movies, News | Comments (1) | Permalink |

C&V Cleans House by dan

I’m always pulling funny photos and things off the internet. But, 99% of the time I can’t use them. So here’s a post that involves all the useless pictures I’ve pulled. Enjoy… Oh, and I’ll write it as a excerpt from Rosie O’Donnell’s blog.

I never went to prom
but if i did
I’d want Kang
around my arm

My favorite show
is Xena Warrior Princess
Here are the two men
I watch it with.

I love ice cream
and I love women
Here is my
favorite ad.

Thank you. And good night.

posted on 3:33 pm 05/17/2006
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Kelsey Grammer Falls Down + 7 Minutes of X-men 3 by richard

Oh the irony! Here’s a video of Kelsey Grammer lecturing and falling down on his ass.