We all remember failed abortion turned child star turned “Prince D-bag” Joey Lawrence. From his bout on “Blossom” to his…last episode on “Blossom,” he proved that even those with mental capacities on par with Corky from “Life Goes On” can somehow surpass 15 minutes of fame. But now, after being booted from ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars,” he’s got a one-way ticket back to obscurity (airport code: OBS). The dance off aired a few nights ago with Joey “Whoa” Lawrence leaving in disgrace dressed as, you guessed it, a flaming, bald sailor. We decided to commemorate Joey’s return to nowhere-dom with some memorable moments in his star-studded-crossed career. Let’s begin…
In 1984, an 8-year-old Joey appeared on the “Today Show” with then black Bryant Gumbel to do a skit for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The godawful acting had lil Joey dying to learn how they filled the parade balloons. So who comes to save the day? Why none other than a mysterious clown. Don’t bother watching the entire out-of-sync catalyst to JL’s shoddy career.
The “Today Show” appearance somehow gave Joe the skill set to later co-star on the series “Blossom” accounting for the only recognizable bullet on his IMDB rap sheet. Can anyone remember his character’s name? It was Joey. That’s right. The rejected MENSA member had to use his own name to avoid confusion with reality whenever he dialogued with his “fake sis” Blossom, played by Mayim Bialik (Russian for “llama face”). Now that’s “Whoa.”
Now comes the part of the post where we share with our readers the late Terry Schiavo’s music video of the day in a segment aptly titled “Schiavo Shares.” Had she been alive today, the deaf, blind, brain-dead bombshell and sole fan of Joey Lawrence’s self-titled 1993 album would have definitely picked its single, “Nothin’ My Love Can’t Fix.” I can almost hear her humming the song in a single monotonic drone. We miss you T…
We’d like to round off Joey’s illustrious fall from grace with pics from his last night of fame: his dance on “Dancing With The Stars.”
Need more insight on worthless careers? Check out K-Fed’s American Express “My Life, My Card” Ad.
Thanks Nicole for the article idea. (NB: Terry Schiavo wasn’t her idea. I will burn in Christian hell for that by myself.)
posted on 6:23 pm 11/16/2006Headlines, TV | |
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The today show wasn’t the catalyst to this guy’s mediocre career. Gumbel says it in that clip - the first time I remember seeing Joey Lawrence was on the Nell Carter show “Gimme a Break.”
November 17th, 2006 17:00
Vijaya, I just needed a quick segue. There was no cataclysm in Joey’s career whatsoever.
November 17th, 2006 17:06
You are possessed by a HUGE green-eyed monster. Joey Lawrence is a REAL man. What a wonderful personality this guy has. He is super sexy, you jealous punks.
November 21st, 2006 00:50
Joey is YUMMY. You are punks possessed by the green-eyed monster because he is super sexy and one heck of a NICE guy. Now there is a REAL man!!! mmmmmmmm
November 21st, 2006 00:53
Is this the same Renne that tried to tell us how awesome the Dustin “Screech” Diamond sex tape is?
November 21st, 2006 19:34
Amit you rock! I love the way you write Joey. You did him justice!
November 29th, 2006 12:52
Who gives a flying fuck?
September 23rd, 2007 19:05
Me encanta Joey Lawrnce, es mi actor favorito desde que era pequeña y por eso le mando un beso desde España.
December 28th, 2007 17:52