You’ve seen the “My Life, My Card” print and television ads of celebrities answering a clever questionnaire created by the most elite of credit card companies, American Express. Notables such as writer/director M. Night Shyamalan, golf phenom Tiger Woods, token Asian actor Ken Watanabe (Memoirs of a Geisha, The Last Samurai) and even lesbian Ellen DeGeneres have all given their two cents of cash back to let the world in on their favorite movies, fondest memories, and inspirations. For instance Shyamalan’s biggest challenge was “not letting [his] work make [him] unhappy.” I don’t know about him, but if I directed Lady in the Water, I’d be snorting Zoloft through a roll of ecstasy just to crack a smile. In addition to M. Night’s ad, Blasian Tiger Woods had some meaningful responses. Here’s his full answer list:
childhood amibition: to beat dad in a game of golf.
fondest memory: riding my bike and skateboard all the time.
soundtrack: anything 80’s and early 90’s
retreat: underwater shooting fish
wildest dream: winning the Masters
proudest moment: winning the Masters
biggest challenge: how can I become a better person tomorrow
alarm clock: 5:00 AM sharp!
perfect day: surf, ski, golf, and spearfish in the same day
first job: cart boy
indulgence: my boat
last purchase: my friends new album from Hootie and the Blowfish
favorite movie: Caddyshack
inspiration: my parents
My life: is hectic
My card: is American Express
How touching. Oddly enough the credit card that’s accepted at most “whites only” establishments failed to publish a number of celebrity surveys. Why? We believe they were too damn honest. Our C&V CFO called AmEx to 1) contest charges for suggestive DVDs from fun-with-goats.com and to 2) get a hold of the unreleased candid questionnaires. Here they are for your enjoyement. It’s a shame they didn’t use these…
childhood amibition: to be a thetan level 10
fondest memory: memories mean psychology and we all know that’s a load of crap.
soundtrack: top gun
retreat: my favorite bar Log Jammers
wildest dream: to meet Lord Xenu
proudest moment: jumping on Oprah’s couch
biggest challenge: kissing humans with two X chromosomes
alarm clock: Suri crying after escaping from her hibernation chamber
perfect day: Nicole Kidman calls me crying to say, “I’m sorry Tom. I’ll be a Scientologist. I won’t wear heels.” And then I hang up.
first job: taking care of a card-counting ‘tard
indulgence: golden DC-8’s
last purchase: Battlefield Earth: Director’s Cut DVD
favorite movie: cocktail
inspiration: the little kid from Jerry Maguire and Katie Kate what’s-her-face
My life: is awesome! Yeeeah! Wooooo!
My card: won’t buy prescription drugs.
childhood amibition: to be a gooder rapper
fondest memory: my weddings
soundtrack: whatever makes me look black
retreat: a leather sectional AKA my crib
wildest dream: to be a father figure
proudest moment: downing 2 easy cheese’s in a minute
biggest challenge: people taking my music serially
alarm clock: what’s that?
perfect day: one without my mom calling me k-fag
first job: can’t ‘member my last one
indulgence: my bling electric toof brush with spinners
last purchase: 3 t-bell crunchwrap supremes
favorite movie: crossroads 2 fast, 2 furious
inspiration: vanilla ice
My life: is a walking punchline.
My card: must still be co-signed by Brit even though we no mo’
childhood amibition: to become a big star
fondest memory: when the mc’rib first came out
soundtrack: anything off “how stella got her groove back”
retreat: ben & jerry’s
wildest dream: to visit Willy Wonka’s factory
proudest moment: leaving “the view”
biggest challenge: proving my gay husband is strait
alarm clock: my deep frier has a timer on it
perfect day: sun bathing in malibu without being confused for a beached orca or a sleeping manatee
first job: a helipad
indulgence: my walk-in fridge
last purchase: stripper exercise videos
favorite movie: my big fat greek wedding
inspiration: those hard-working keebler elves
My life: is being a lawyer.
My card: best not have a limit or someone’s gonna get slapped.
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oh man! funny stuff, amit!!
November 10th, 2006 01:03
k-fed and i share a love of the C-w Ses? who knew!
November 12th, 2006 02:44
[...] Need more insight on worthless careers? Check out K-Fed’s American Express “My Life, My Card” Ad. [...]
November 17th, 2006 18:03