Josh Rottenberg over at “Entertainment Weekly” just faxed us his one-on-one with Borat about his upcoming movie Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, bodyguards, and his controversial nude scene.
Are your friends and family treating you differently now that you’re a big Hollywood movie star?
They has start to asking me for favours. My mother want a pretty hat, my 12 year old son, Hooeylewis, want eat beef jerky and my 11 year old son, Bilak, want to do a sexytime with Lindsay Lohans. Of course, these has not all be possible, but I am hope soon to find the hat for my mother.
What are the best perks that have come with fame so far?
There has been many perk of be in this moviefilm — example I can now get table at Almaty McDonalds with as little as 2 month notice. The wait time is normal 4 years. Also, along with OJ Simpsons and our glorious leader, Premier Nazarbayev, I was one of judge on hit TV show, ‘Kazakhstan’s Next Top Prostitute’. I give decision for ‘Best Grip of Small Hole’ round. Hi-Five!
What is the first thing you plan to buy once the big checks start coming in?
I am hope very much to make purchase of latest recordings from chocolate face Michael Jackson, ‘Beat It,’ on brand new format, compact cassette.
Which Hollywood star have you met who you were most excited about? Who would you most like to meet?
I recent meet beautiful popular musicstar, Madonna, in Hollywood outside Chinese Theatre. She let me take photograph for 5 US dollar and say that for another ten she would give me mouth party in parking lot across street.
Does anyone else in your family have Hollywood aspirations? Would you consider moving to Los Angeles?
My 12 year old son, Hooeylewis have already start in this showbizness and recent become actor in Kazakh version of ‘Telebubbies’. He good, but still very nervous of camera — especially for sex scenes. I do not know why — he have magnificent chram, circumference 16.4 centimetre and should be proud to show it to the other childrens.
The Kazakh government has shut down your website and threatened to sue Sacha Baron Cohen for defaming the people of Kazakhstan. What do you say in response?
Firstly I am respectable, professional journalist and I will not be drawn into mudslingings with anyone — especially not a Jew. Second, I would like thank the glorious Premier of Kazakhstan, Nursultan Nazarbayev, for recent travel to Washingtons to support me and promote this moviefilm.
Prime Minister Nazarbayev’s daughter came out publicly in your defense. Did you get in touch with her to thank her?
Yes. As sign of respect and gratitude to my Premier’s daughter, I send her gifts of hair comb, detergent with scent and a new mat for her cage.
Do you have a bodyguard to protect you from your enemies?
I am protect by the Kazakh Army, who will not hesitate to use their crossbows if I am attack and also I wear a jar of gypsy tears around my neck for keep out disease and curse.
There is a very graphic nude scene in your movie and a lot of vulgar language. Did you have any trouble getting anything past the American ratings board?
There was no problem in US and A — although Kazakh censor did give this movie their most strict ratings, meaning no one there can look on it if they younger than 3 years old. Kazakh censor was also concern about amount of anti-Semitisms it contain, although eventually they decide there just enough and allow it be release.
How is Kazakh humor different from American humor?
In Kazakhstan we still find very funny actor Robin Williams. Especial his new movie ‘Womanman Doubtfires’.
What do you say to people who charge that your movie is particularly offensive to Jews?
Yes. Is a good observations. Thank you very much.
You’ve said you’re an admirer of Joseph Stalin. What do you think of American leaders such as George Bush, Hillary Clinton, and Gov. Schwarzenegger?
We in Kazakhstan admires George Walter Bush very much and has recent adopt US and A system of democracys — only difference is in Kazakh election, winner not man with most vote, but candidate who can suspend heaviest weight from his testes satchel. Our present leader hold record for suspend a car battery almost 8 seconds! We think Premier Bush very strong man and very handsome, but not as handsomes as his father, Barbara.
If you could relay a personal message to President Bush, what would it be?
Thank you for hold recent summit of two most powerful nation in world — US and A and Kazakhstan. My glorious Premier, Nursultan Nazarbayev have told me he very much like meeting with you and he thank you very much for your magnificent gift of Bathroom Ionic Breeze Quadra.
Many Hollywood stars feel pressured to get Botox or bleach their teeth. Would you consider changing your image at all?
There is a few slight difference between beautys procedures in our two country. Example, in Kazakhstan, women do not do a bikinis wax — instead they removes hairs from their backs and use it to increase the size of their pubis. It a great sign of beauty for a womans to have more hair between legs than on her head. Only time woman shave vagine is for infestation of Kratzuli, or in winter to make wool for knit gloves. Kazakh pubis hair is the finest in the whole of Central Asia and is our number three export. It is highly valuable because it very good for clean pots and pans. I think plastical surgeries is OK for certain thing…removal of back hair, transplant for bald head and also procedures for men. Personallys, I would perhaps consider have my testes lowered or moustache enlargement.
You brought a jar of gypsy tears with you as you went around America to prevent AIDS. Were there any other Kazakh folk remedies you relied on in your travels?
No, but in case I run out gypsy tears and could not find drugstore that carry them, I also travel with American miracle drug, Advil.
You were obviously quite shocked to learn that women in this country can vote and aren’t kept in cages. What else were you most surprised to discover about American women?
I was very surprise to discover that in US and A womens is permit to operate motocar. This could never happen in Kazakhstan — it too dangerous! We say that ‘to let woman drive car is like to let monkey fly a plane.’ We do not allow this any more since 2003 Astana air crash.
You hosted the MTV Europe Music Awards last year. Who are your favorite pop stars and why?
I am current listen to ‘Bing Bang’ by Korki Butchek, ‘Everbody Dancing Now’ by C and C Music Manufacturing Plant, ‘Girls Just Want To Have F—’ by Cyndis Laupers, and also ‘Candling The Winds’ by bald homosexual Eltonjohn. I also big fanny of ladies man, Freddy Mercury. It was a shame he die in that car crash. People say I looks very like him and last year in Almaty I come 23th in competition of ‘who look most like Freddy Mercury’ — this out of over 250,000 entrant!
Your movie has been getting overwhelmingly positive reviews. How do you see your chances of winning an Oscar?
In anticipate of this Oscars event, my 12-year-old son Hooeylewis has set off travelling here on foot from Kazakhstan with his wife and two childrens. If he arrive in time I have promise him that he can make romance explosion inside most beautiful actress in world, Liza Minelli.
Will you ever work with Ali G again?
No, I will not be work with this Mr. G again. I am a serious journalist and I do not wish to be associate with this buffoon. He is not well prepare for interview, he is in my opinion not intelligent, and he bring to disrepute our profession of a journalisms. When I was ask if I would mind selling my reportings to his show, I said yes, but I did not know that his programme was wretched.
What is your final message to your American fans?
Do not trust traitor of Government, Yulkov Talminaybayev.
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