Well folks, Elliott Yamin, American Idol’s favorite moleman, is going home. We hate to see him go, but you know who hates it the most? Elliott Yamin. Much to his chagrin, those days when he could cash in that sweet sweet American Idol capital and get loads of free perks are about to be gone for good. Join us as we walk down memory lane and reminisce about the days when Yamin suckled from the golden teet of fame.
1) Let’s face it, one huge perk of being famous is the babes. You get a little money and throw in a dash of success and women fall out of the wood work for even the ugliest of men. This definitely worked for Yamin as he’s perennially ranked among People Magazine’s ugliest men alive. Well, what’s gonna happen now that Yamin’s gotten the boot? Luckily, I live in LA (home to American Idol) and I’ve done a little research. I tailed Mole-boy to several local eateries around town and here are some of the “hotties” I caught the booted Idol Crooner snugglin’ with. I saw him at Taco Bell with this girl, and busted him at Del Taco with this slice of poon, and interupted his smooching at McD’s with this dreamboat.
2) Another (and I quote) “HUUUUGE” perk of fame that will shortly be taken from Yamin pertains to fishing, Yamin’s “totally favorite” sport. For his entire life, Yamin has lived oppressed under the iron fist of the state of Virginia’s catch and release laws. As a boy, Yamin dreamed of “teaching those bastards [at the state of Virginia wildlife management agency] a lesson,” but in time he learned that the best way to conquer catch and release laws is through song. Yamin worked hard. Harder than he’s ever worked in his entire life. He honed his vocal chops like Chuck Norris honed that kid from Seaquest DSV in that movie Sidekicks. At last Yamin could sing. When Elliott made it to Idol the very first thing he did was draw up a contract in crayon. That’s it in the left hand thumbnail. It reads as follows: “Dear Idol Man, I want to keep my fish. Thanks. I love you.” Well, Elliott, it looks like you’re knee deep in shit for luck.
3) Third and finally, Yamin will no longer get free stuff. There will be no more free stylists and no more free wardrobe. Oh no. From here on out it will be Styling by Yamin. Let’s check out the before (with fame) and after (now that he’s gotten the boot).
Peace out, Yamin. You’ll always be remembered as the douche that made Paula Abdul cry. And now, a video of Paula Abdul drunk and hocking jewlery.
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Eat your words
September 6th, 2007 16:53
This is a crappy website. I can tell you had nothing better to do.
EVERYTHING IS LIES!!
December 21st, 2007 18:48