David Blaine, amateur magician and man of mysterious race, has failed the stunt of passing the world record of 8 minutes and 58 seconds underwater. His official time was 7 mins 8 seconds. The real magic? Somehow women continued to cheer for the failed “magician” yelling, “We love you David!”, while his nimble body was removed from the Sphere of Uselessness. Truly mind blowing. As David was removed from his bubble abode, ABC forced a mic into his face for a few words. Blaine cried,
“I’m humbled so much by the support the people of New York have given me. [What I want now is the piece of mind that no one will harp on my ridiculously shriveled 'Blaine Jr.']…thank you all, I love you all.”
Reports the (”we’re slower than C&V”) AP:
As early as the second day of his challenge, [Dr. Murat Gunel, head of Blaine's medical team and associate professor of neurosurgery at Yale University School of Medicine], said, there was evidence that Blaine was suffering liver failure; the medical team consulted with medical experts at NASA before stabilizing his condition. Blaine’s underwater environment was similar to the weightlessness experienced by astronauts in outer space, he said.
“I told him he needed to get out of the water, and he refused me,” Gunel said. “He said he did not want to let the people down.”
Hey, David Blaine, I got a news flash for ya. You let “the people” down. You let down innocent New Yorkers like Linda “Nucking Futs” Brady. Here’s the AP again:
Linda Brady, of New York City, brought along a boom box and loudly played Jennifer Lopez’s “My Love is All I Have.” Blaine appeared to respond by bopping to the beat.
“I just love him,” Brady said. “He has a creative mind just like me, and he’s crazy just like me.”
Good to know that the crazies are self-aware… Arguably most disapointed by Blaine’s collossal waste of time is Kirk Krack, Blaine’s “trainer” and “diving expert.”
Kirk had hoped his watchful hand would guide Blaine to success. A success so great it would erase 34 long years of humility for being named “Kirk Krack.” Sadly, Krack, it looks like 34 more years of the same.
UPDATE: Kirk Krack: Diving Expert, My Ass
UPDATE 2: Here’s the footage from last night of Blaine’s failure. Although he did succede in making the tank saltier with his tears.
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