Lumberjack Comedian Joins “The View” by dan

Matt Lauer just called: Rosie O’Donnell has signed on to replace Meredith Viera on television’s “The View.” This isn’t the first time Rosie’s made it to C&V. Perhaps you remember “Great Moments In Acting: Rosie O’Donnell” or “Colon Blow,” two pieces chronicling the life and times of the makeup-hating, man-woman comedian. Now, Rosie O, or as we call her “Holy Shit! Look at that! It’s coming right for us!” is in a tricky position. Let C&V explain.

Starting from left to right, let’s go through “The View’s” typecasting.

1) Barbara Walters - the token old hag
2) Meredith Viera - the soccer mom
3) Star Jones - the minority
4) Joy Behar - the liberal
5) Elisabeth Hasselbeck - the conservative

So what happens when you replace “the soccer mom” with “the lesbian in need of a shave?” The balance gets all out of whack. “The View,” as we know it, could go under. The daytime oasis of fun and cat-fights could dissolve into a seething half-hour of worthless female prattle that no one cares about.

But don’t worry. Rosie has tackled the subject, in poem form, on her blog. I’ve cut and paste the poem below:

My “View” Dilemma

Thought Cancer
Eating at my brain
will I ruin
the View

I think other thoughts
Cheerios, Oreos, Mallowmars,
but ever and always
will I ruin
the View

I eat whip cream
straight from the tub
and fake a crush
on Tom Cruise.

but ever and always
will I ruin
the View

“We need a butch,
someone with lots of anger”
I cough up sawdust
from a day at the mill.

Time to stop moaning
I’m going to buy
a McFlurry
and watch Idol

The captions are: “Two large fries” and “Wicked Gas”

And now, an old photo Amit photoshopped of the lesbo-tron.

posted on 4:32 pm 04/28/2006
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