So, Tom Cruise, you’ve had a baby. I’m sure that you and Katie “refuses to take your last name” Holmes are very proud. But, now comes the difficult task of child rearing. And we’ll tell you this, it’s not going to be easy. Mistakes happen all the time. So we here at Celluloid And Vinyl are offering a few tips and suggestions to help you, Katie, and Suri blossum into the galactic O.T.7 glory so promised by Operating Thetan Zanix four Tri-ghandides ago.
Tip #1: Bottle Feeding
Don’t rush your child to the bottle. It’ll lead to Fucked teeth. And, unlike AIDS and Heroin addiction, screwed teeth can’t be fixed with vitamins and exercise.
Tip #2: Find a proper crib
Don’t just lump that baby in with all the other garbage in your life. This thing can breathe and maybe even talk one day.
Tip #3: Enroll the child in a proper daycare
The above is a real picture from Palestine. In the industry, we call this “ending on a down note.”
posted on 7:49 pm 04/25/2006Headlines, Movies | |
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