The AP just called. David Hasselhoff beats his wife. The wife, actress Pamela Bach, who is 11 years younger than the woman beating tyrant, filed suit in L.A. superior court last Monday. And I’ll bet 10 bucks a divorce waits in the wings. But hey, that’s just my opinion and no one really cares about that. I think we all know whose opinion matters here. Kit, the talking car from Knight Rider (movie in the works?).
This isn’t the first time Mr. Wife Beating himself, David Hasselhoff, has appeared on our site. Perhaps you remember his shit-tastic music video for “Hooked on a feeling.” Or maybe you remember those Pepsi ads where he’s humping a giant exploding bottle of soda. What makes someone go so crazy? Join us as we find out…
A long time “animal lover,” Hasselhoff steered clear of wife beating for the better part of his 2 decade career. However, unbeknownst to Hasselhoff. He was allergic to pet dander. Dogs really screwed with his sinuses. Then one day he got a call.
“Hello?” Said Hasselhoff.
“Hey man, it’s David Koresh. Long time listener, first time caller” Said the voice on the other end.
“Cool. I like your first name.” Replied the Hoff. “What’s up? I just stripped down to the man panties.”
“Nothin’, how you been lately?”
“Man, you know what? I’ve actually been transforming into evil Hasselhoff a lot lately” Replied the beach thespian. “My sinuses are absolutely going crazy. Nose is all stopped up. Loads of congestion. Been ‘makin’ it’ with dogs lately, but that can’t be it. What’s up with you?”
“Nothing. I was just calling to tell you about this great new shirt I discovered.”
“I’m not that big on shirts,” said Hasselhoff. “The closest I ever get is a vest and a watch. But what’s it called?”
“It’s called… The Wife beater.” Answered Koresh. “It really lets you breathe.”
“Holy crap. I can breathe if I beat my wife? I’m so shittin’ happy right now! You have no idea!”
posted on 3:50 am 03/12/2006News, TV | |
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[...] In closing, we’d like to rattle off a list of our favorite articles. First, Star Jones… in comic form. Next, 24 American Idol look alikes. Then, David Hasselhoff, wife beater. Then, Our interview with John Densmore, drummer of “The Doors.” And finally, “Haley Joel Osment: A Life In The Toilet” [...]
November 28th, 2006 00:35
Hi! Nice site you got there!
February 21st, 2008 19:30