Political strategist meets a Magnetized skull.

posted on 1:03 pm 10/14/2008
Celebrity Look Alikes | Comments (149) | |

New segment. Back in the day we’d have a “Song of the week.” But sometimes, choosing a single song from an album just isn’t right. Some works are best viewed as a whole. For said occasions we’ve started a new category, “Album of the Month.” - C&V

It’s so easy to be derivative. Especially once you’re successful. You make a million bucks. You stick to the formula. And in rolls a million more. I mean, look at Coldplay. Jesus God, look at Coldplay. Celine Dion woulda been proud of their 3rd album… It’s exceptionally rare nowadays that someone, once established, chooses to take the risk of progressing in their art. So I’ve got to give props to anyone in music willing to take a chance and follow their gut. Led Zeppelin 3, Dylan going electric, And then there’s now… who comes to mind? If it was a rare event for an artist to take risks before, in the commerciality of the now it’s a near impossibility. The only modern example that really comes to mind is something like the shift from “Midnite Vultures” to “Sea Change”…. but, as later albums would prove, that was less an evolution so much as a one off shot at gaining some cred.

So there you have it. The prelude. Now, based off of the above prelude, what artist would you guess I’m about to talk about?… Odds are you’re looking at the title, “Cigarettes and Gasoline” and coming up empty. The album’s “Cigarettes and Gasoline.” The artist is Emerson Hart. You know him as the head singer-songwriter-brainchild of Tonic, the band that gave us “If You Could Only See” and “Open Up Your Eyes.” I realize that a lot of you out there right now are saying, “What the hell, Tonic? I thought I was reading C&V!” Bear with me, it’s worth it. We pride ourselves on being taste makers. And would never waste your time.

“Cigarettes and Gasoline” represents the maturation of an artist who went multi-platinum at age 27. Think of that. Age 27 and multi-platinum. I’ll be happy if I can keep myself a steady girlfriend by 27, but multi-platinum? Jesus. Well, it’s 2007, Emerson’s older. Tonic’s done. And he’s free to make whatever kind of music he wants. Enter “Cigarettes and Gasoline,” at once a progression and a departure from what Hart began with Tonic. On the single, “If You’re Gonna Leave,” you get something that sounds pretty close to some of those Tonic ballads, but the overall feel is of something quite different. I guess that’s the logic in releasing this as the single. It’s just familiar enough. For me, however, The meat of “Cigarettes and Gasoline,” the part that makes me want to post this as the “Album of the month,” is to be found elsewhere on the album’s dozen or so tracks. “Friend to a Stranger,” a song you might have heard on Grey’s Anatomy, is a damn good song. And that’s not just a phrase I throw around. Give it a listen on Emerson’s Myspace. When those drums kick in, or when he takes it to the bridge, I dare you to not like the song. It’s wholly different, yet just familiar enough. It’s an artist moving foward. And the rest of the album is just as good.

“Cigarettes and Gasoline” is not derivative. It’s not the easy path. It’s an artist taking risks in a world where no one does. It’s someone following their gut and being truly creative AND for that reason, it deserves your attention and a spot on your shelf. “Cigarettes and Gasoline” is a damn good album. And we don’t just throw that phrase around. Pick it up in stores this June.

Buy the Single at and get a free acoustic “If You Could Only See.”
Emerson on Myspace.

posted on 3:47 pm 04/24/2007
Headlines, Music, Reviews, Songs of the Week | Comments (14) | |

I don’t care what the G-ratings advertise, those buxomous, Barbie doll, mid-riff baring bodies on display by the various Disney princesses are the equivalent of softcore porn. Sure, the Disney princesses are hot, as Amit so lovingly pointed out to us earlier, but let’s get real: dweeby animators stuffed in dark subterranean areas are going to need an outlet for their, er, hyper-animated imaginations.

So, in the spirit of Disney magic, I’ve decided to turn the tables and do a counterpoint for Disney’s most enchanting leading blokes and beaus. Ladies, cream of the crop coming up, Open sesame!

Editor’s Note: Guys get jealous, what can we say? Just the thought of Lindsey salivating over these goofies made me almost angry enough to break something, do steroids, and buy a Hummer H2 (because I’m compensating). That’s why I decided to show Lindsey what these characters would look like in real life. Click each of the pics to discover their shocking real-world identities. -Amit

10. Aladdin

Clearly a salient choice, for any young, coffee-colored male running around topless in flowing white pants is the equivalent of a galloping Arabian stallion. His flying carpet also will make for some quality airborne shagging, dare I say mile-high club folks? His ball-tickler monkey Abu is also on hand to spice things up, and would be good to have around for petty theft in case your expensive tastes run counter to Aladdin’s economic standing.

9. Quasimodo

I just can’t get enough of Quasi’s there’s nothing like a hunchback with Mt. Rushmore for a backside that sets fire to a woman’s loins. This is truly a fine, unique male specimen. Plus, he swings from bell-towers and all.

8. Peter Pan

For you bi-nookie ladies, Peter Pan is one hot androgynous looking fairy. Pan fulfills every woman’s fantasy for a Prada buying, tight wearing, feather-in-his cap, flaming gay best friend. He shacks up with the Lost Boys, residing primarily to help them, um, find their way home. This is the way to go if you want to be the next Debra Lafave.

7. Triton

Now this is what I call a DILF. King Triton is the paradigm of male potency distilled and bottled, then distilled again. Those rippling pecs and fierce white beard, not to mention ownership of the ultimate phallic symbol the three pronged trident equals jackpot. Any guy that has a weapon and knows how to use it is golden on my list.

6. Hercules

He’s Greek, ’nuff said. Any character from classical lore (aka the days of public coital romper-room) that betters Michelangelo’s David is one orgiastic legend. Son of Zeus, Demi-God, and 12-pack abs with tawny golden locks are just a few of my favorite things. I don’t care if he wears a man-dress, he’s a HERO for godssake.

5. Simba

Can YOU feel the love tonight? This one hot cat cruises the Serengeti plains like a pimp rounding up his wildebeests. Hands down, best hair award goes to Simba—thank goodness we don’t have to worry about male pattern baldness (or some Viagra to go with it). And even better, he rolls just like Vince with his Warthog and Meekrat entourage.

4. Dopey

Having a history with mute men, I have a soft spot in my heart for Dopey. For a baby-faced shortie who “ain’t never tried to talk before,” Dopey is just off the charts on the cutie-meter. That dildo-in-a-hat somehow manages to perfectly accentuate his Dumbo flaps this is a guy with a few tricks that might belie his innocence.

3. Beast

Hunk-of-a-Bigfoot is a transformable human, AND he has a magic rose! Since he managed not to impale Beauty with his two razor sharp cuspids during their beastly makeout sessions, the animal gets mad props. See, Beauty really is more than skin deep—she just really likes to wear fur…

2. Pinocchio

After a short stint at “Pleasure Island” (AKA Herpes Harbor) that proves to be the film’s genuine storyline, Pinocchio confirms that he really isn’t a donkey in a “Boys Gone Wild” video. Baaaa. Any wooden toy that can make (visibly) real on his perky declaration: “Look Pa! I’m a REAL boy!” is just…well, special. And finally, the Disney animators decided not to sugarcoat human sexuality: it’s literally all in the “Fu@#-me-but-I’m-lying” face.

1. Tarzan

Living evidence that white men can’t jump is the most erroneous movie in Hollywood. A real swinger here ladies, don’t let this loin-clothed “I-only-speak-to-animals” playa’ get away. Despite his lack of hygiene, he still manages to win over the most domesticated of ladies. It’s all in the tan baby.

posted on 3:31 pm 02/23/2007
Movies | Comments (14) | |

New segment. Back in the day we’d have a “Song of the week.” But sometimes, choosing a single song from an album just isn’t right. Some works are best viewed as a whole. For said occasions we’ve started a new category, “Album of the Month.” - C&V

It’s so easy to be derivative. Especially once you’re successful. You make a million bucks. You stick to the formula. And in rolls a million more. I mean, look at Coldplay. Jesus God, look at Coldplay. Celine Dion woulda been proud of their 3rd album… It’s exceptionally rare nowadays that someone, once established, chooses to take the risk of progressing in their art. So I’ve got to give props to anyone in music willing to take a chance and follow their gut. Led Zeppelin 3, Dylan going electric, And then there’s now… who comes to mind? If it was a rare event for an artist to take risks before, in the commerciality of the now it’s a near impossibility. The only modern example that really comes to mind is something like the shift from “Midnite Vultures” to “Sea Change”…. but, as later albums would prove, that was less an evolution so much as a one off shot at gaining some cred.

So there you have it. The prelude. Now, based off of the above prelude, what artist would you guess I’m about to talk about?… Odds are you’re looking at the title, “Cigarettes and Gasoline” and coming up empty. The album’s “Cigarettes and Gasoline.” The artist is Emerson Hart. You know him as the head singer-songwriter-brainchild of Tonic, the band that gave us “If You Could Only See” and “Open Up Your Eyes.” I realize that a lot of you out there right now are saying, “What the hell, Tonic? I thought I was reading C&V!” Bear with me, it’s worth it. We pride ourselves on being taste makers. And would never waste your time.

“Cigarettes and Gasoline” represents the maturation of an artist who went multi-platinum at age 27. Think of that. Age 27 and multi-platinum. I’ll be happy if I can keep myself a steady girlfriend by 27, but multi-platinum? Jesus. Well, it’s 2007, Emerson’s older. Tonic’s done. And he’s free to make whatever kind of music he wants. Enter “Cigarettes and Gasoline,” at once a progression and a departure from what Hart began with Tonic. On the single, “If You’re Gonna Leave,” you get something that sounds pretty close to some of those Tonic ballads, but the overall feel is of something quite different. I guess that’s the logic in releasing this as the single. It’s just familiar enough. For me, however, The meat of “Cigarettes and Gasoline,” the part that makes me want to post this as the “Album of the month,” is to be found elsewhere on the album’s dozen or so tracks. “Friend to a Stranger,” a song you might have heard on Grey’s Anatomy, is a damn good song. And that’s not just a phrase I throw around. Give it a listen on Emerson’s Myspace. When those drums kick in, or when he takes it to the bridge, I dare you to not like the song. It’s wholly different, yet just familiar enough. It’s an artist moving foward. And the rest of the album is just as good.

“Cigarettes and Gasoline” is not derivative. It’s not the easy path. It’s an artist taking risks in a world where no one does. It’s someone following their gut and being truly creative AND for that reason, it deserves your attention and a spot on your shelf. “Cigarettes and Gasoline” is a damn good album. And we don’t just throw that phrase around. Pick it up in stores this June.

Buy the Single at and get a free acoustic “If You Could Only See.”
Emerson on Myspace.